This modest little site is a testament to my overwhelming brilliance, with the world wide web at my finger tips it is a chance for me to share this excellence with you. Take a look at some of the films that I have written and directed and the light shall dance across your retinas giving you untold pleasures.

Some people have said that directors have huge egos, but I say "Who are these people? They mean nothing to me." So here are a few words about my favourite subject, myself.

There was the word and then there was me. When I was born every action I made was pure awesomeness with elements of modesty woven through my greatness. Every word spoken was an awe-inspiring quote, which would bring joy into the lives of those in the immediate vicinity. Then people would ask for my name I would reply "Just tell them I am".

The story of my life is one of those that people will never believe [so I won't tell you], for the very waste of my breath is worse than China's entire carbon footprint.

Now I will commence on the most exciting film career since I sliced some bread this morning. The Oscars will be nothing but mere paper weights, that will stand next to the toast made from the bread I sliced myself. Join me on the stories of a life time, and as it is written so shall it be…